Pulling at my heartstrings.

It is early. And it is Saturday. And I am awake. Now, I'm not a sleeper. But I wish I was because I am starting to feel it. I like to remember when I first met Bill and just catching a glimpse of him on campus would make my heart beat faster. Then when we started hanging out, if we touched unexpectedly then my heart rate would increase. Dating just brought on more heart palpitating for love and for the unexpected. Then we were married and that day I felt like my heart would just burst. I was now "connected" for the rest of forever to the one I love and all of the people I love were there to share that with us. When we found out I was pregnant for the first time there was a new feeling in my heart. Then when it didn't turn out there was another new feeling in my heart that I didn't know was there. It was so sad and hard to work through the new emotions from this new feeling. About a year later we were in the hospital trying to deliver James. The doctor and nurses wheeled me to the operating room and my heart sunk. I was worried about the baby and I was disappointed with having a C-section. But then when I saw the beautiful baby another new feeling in my heart blossomed. And again with Campbell my heart stretched and swelled a little more. Then through all the night waking , knee scrapes, tumbles, and self started sharing, cleaning, and hugs my heart was on a roller coaster. When my sister passed away I felt a lasting heartache. I would think that I have experienced almost everything my little heart can go through. Just recently though I have been experiencing some new feelings in my heart. Campbell has been waking in the early morning and making this noise that sounds similar to a cat screaming. And I mean seriously screaming. This for some reason (mother's intuition or whatever) makes my heart feel like someone is physically pulling my heartstrings. It's pain but love and compassion. This morning I tried to stay in bed and Bill went to help Campbell, but as I lay in bed I can't get myself back to sleep because my heartstrings are still stinging. So, here I am on the couch watching taped Nickelodeon from Grandma's house with my beautiful little two year old because my heart just can't let me sleep, I must comfort.