Reflection

I was just thinking today about some of the scariest times I have had in my life. The most recent being my c-section for Taite. For me to bring children into this world I have to having major surgery. I have heard from some of my friends in the medical field that c-sections are the bloodiest surgeries out there. I personally haven't seen that side of it. But I do get to feel it.

With James it was unexpected, which gave me no time for thought on the severity of the whole ordeal. It was necessary, for whatever reasons, she wasn't coming out any other way. When she was delivered and didn't cry and was purple, I realized later, that things could have turned for the worse if we didn't act with the surgery as quickly as we did. James was fine and beautiful. Recovery was tough. Bill and I were both in school and working.

Campbell has always had things her way. We should have caught on to this right from birth. We were going to try a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) under the condition that we would not manipulate induction and delivery, which studies show increase the risk of the incision rupturing. So, we waited, and waited. We scheduled a c-section 4 days past her due date considering that if it hadn't happened by then it wasn't going to and the baby will be plenty big that it could possibly complicate a vaginal birth. We walked into the hospital 4 days over due and continued with the scheduled c-section, knowing that if we were to have any more children they would have to be delivered via surgery. When the anesthesiologist put my spinal in everything was okay. But once I laid down on the table I started getting dizzy. Then I felt like I was going to pass out. The doctor tilted the table to help with my blood pressure (which was something like 60/20) and put some kind of medication into my IV. We soon were welcomed to a screaming beautiful baby. Recovery again was difficult. We were both still in school. It takes about 2 weeks to get back on your feet from a c-section.

With Taite we were able to schedule the surgery one week before my due date. It was wonderful. We went in to the hospital bright and early (after getting all dolled up for the after pictures). Chatting casually while we waited for surgery. I walked in to the operating room. This time was so different. I felt like the rose colored glasses were off. Call it getting old, call it having more responsibility, this time I took it all in. The sterile room. All the metal. The tools and cupboards of tools. The machines beeping. The cool air. The three nurses doing various tasks to prepare for the whole production. This time when the anesthesiologist was putting my spinal in it took FOREVER. And he informed me that he "hit some bone, let me try and get around that". Something you don't want to hear when someone is pushing a needle into your spinal cord. After it was in and I laid down on the table again things did not go well. First I started getting dizzy again. I informed the doctor. He gave me something for that. Then my lungs felt like lead. I struggled to fill them with air. And the only thoughts going through my mind were that if I passed out then I wouldn't get to see this baby that I have been working on for so long. The would delivery the baby and then after that was taken care of they would try to fix me and whatever went wrong there. Breath in, breath out. It was hard work to focus on that. I was getting anxious. But I stayed focused. Until out of left field I started to feel this throbbing up the back of my neck. It was like someone was pounding on the back of my head with a hammer, and it was increasing with intensity. With each new symptom, I relayed to the doctor what was happening with my body and he responded by pushing more drugs. Bill walked into the room at this point. I was sweating and struggling to keep my breath while trying to put the pain I was feeling somewhere else in my mind. Moments later there was a screaming baby. It was a great distraction. I was able to watch the nurses clean her off. Tears streaming down my face, I'm sure out of happiness but also from the trauma my body was going through. Bill left the room with the baby as I was getting stitched up for another 15 minutes. Taite was perfect.

I love my children. They are amazing and bring so much happiness into my life. But this is the last one. Bill will tell you, the look that I gave him when he entered the operating room when Taite was born was enough for him to know it is not happening again. The risk and anxiety that come with c-sections are too much.

Another scariest moment in the life of Erin story is here.

There is just something about surgery. People who choose to have them voluntarily are CRAZY!

*I just realized that I posted before spell check. So, thanks for looking past my hastiness.